Written by Cher
Coming into the classroom space of ARTSSCI 1101: Performing Body Language, every move we make becomes a performance. We all pull a seat along the wall as a reaction to the empty space. Then as colleagues pour in, we form a circle with our seats. Professor Lucille Toth instructs us to share our names as a performance act. My name sounds like an action; to share. I clasp my hands together; I perform art and a meaning. It is the sharing of skin; I then further the dramatics, and in a burst like action I hold my hands up as if I am holding a ball to indicate a star. This performance of a bursting star for the reason that I am named after the movie star, Cher.
In prison, the normal experiences are restrictive movements, so my classroom time is helping me shred the boundaries of that normalcy. Performing Body Language with Dr. Toth, allows us to express creative movement as a sense of freedom. You might wonder, is there no place for creative movement to be expressed in prison, not even gym rec or yard time? Well, no, because gym rec are scheduled events in a time slot, for example, basketball for one hour or yoga for 50 minutes. The closest thing to creative expression would be Zumba at the gym, which is a cardio dance instructed by an incarcerated person but asks that the movements be followed best of their ability. So, any deviance from the performance of the instructor might have the facilitator kicking you out of the class.
During yard rec it is a time of normal walking pace and sitting, with a possibility of basketball or volleyball play. Lying down or dancing would get many judgmental stares or corrections from a corrections officer. Imagine if you were at a store and someone was break-dancing down the aisle -- you might stare also. Now imagine those stares multiplied by a hundred sets of eyes and a correction officer. The yard is full of restriction and susceptibility to authority interaction saying “keep it moving” or “no cartwheels allowed” or any other correction the officer finds necessary. Sitting in the grass was not allowed, although that restriction has been relaxed somewhat, but still invokes some unpleasant responses from staff.
Together working in small groups of four, we perform three shapes through posture of what closed, open, and neutral looks like to us. My group performs the shape of closed in a circle, facing each other, we then arch our spine outwards to form a ball bringing our hands to forehead and closing our eyes, we are sheltering. Then in a single movement we move from our crouched, facing-each-other stance to turn 180 degrees now with our backs to one another, in a circle we all flare our arms and gaze upward and outward as if to go beyond, we are open. In a naturalized style as if on cue we slowly shift our bodies to a neutral stance. We find ourselves standing shoulders facing each other with a neutral gaze, unobstructive and directly ahead so as to appear invisible. Invisibility in this environment correlates with safety. Therefore, we have relaxed shoulders and the pressure on our knees is relaxed, still, yet present.
Our last action is to perform three intentions. An intention that is found through a gesture. The simple gesture we are searching for typically comes from a habit. This habit is usually unintentionally or intentionally learned through culture we discover through the teaching from Professor Toth. When the gesture is performed, we can place it with an intention of friendly, uncertain and authoritative. Unintentionally I stand facing, my arms at the side of my body. I take hold of the hem of my shirt. I then find myself in a swinging motion with my arms move my fingers along the hem of my shirt, and in repositioning, go from the sides of my body to the front. I find this is a swingingly yet grippingly friendly gesture. To relate this movement to my culture I have difficulty deciphering what is my culture, I can only think of being childlike, running my fingers along the hem of my shirt and slightly swinging. Why would I mimic playing with babydolls and caring for them by dressing them or dancing them around moving the arms and legs. I decided I was culturally raised as a girl with a mom who was a teenage mother. Although not a teenager when I came to be, she is still light-natured and free-spirited and allowed us as her children to grow and mature freely and to do what makes us happy. Culturally being raised from a lineage of teenage mothers of a couple generations that I know of allows me to embody living innocently and free; loving and playful, as a joy to see and watch, and this is reflected in my bodily gesture.
After the performance, Professor Toth teaches that through movement, we signal our thoughts that are difficult to express verbally. This is tough to analyze but my gestured movement I find allows me to express difficult feelings that I am safe and free. I reflected more and really tried to give a deep meaning and understanding to the simplest gesture. I find that in relation to being childlike is a question, why is it important to be safe and free that I feel I am signifying to others? I find that it allows me to feel and to signal, when the environment is restrictive, to find that sense of self through freedom and safety measures.
As for performing the gesture to signal an intent of uncertain and authoritative manner, I challenge to give the same gesture a different mannerism, but I achieve the intention through mild performance. For an authoritative manner I stiffen my arms and straighten my posture. For an uncertain moment, I look around gazing and am looser in my swinging. Performing Body Language with Dr. Toth has opened up my sense of freedom through simple movements to express non-verbally what can't be said out loud