(continued) Growing up with autism, I completely understand how difficult it can be to feel at ease in an unfamiliar setting. I know better than most that talking to strangers can be a struggle. Looking across the room, I came to a decision. I could either hide behind my social anxiety or I could step outside of my comfort zone and be myself. They were, in fact, just like us. Students trying to further their education and humans uncomfortable in a room full of strangers. I didn't want them to judge me, due to where I was, at this moment in my life yet here I was, judging them all because they lived on the other side of the fence. I was no better than the stereotypes I was unconsciously accusing them of belonging to. I had wanted a solution, when in reality I was part of the problem.
There is a quote by Gandhi that states, “be the change you wish to see in the world.” It had never occurred to me that until I made a change, I was the problem. I could complain about prison stereotypes and how the world views incarcerated individuals. But until I gave others a reason to believe that not only are we capable of reform, we have the ability to empower others. A felony conviction should not prevent us from inspiring those around us and those who are unknown to us from working hard to create a better tomorrow. I could not allow myself to remain close minded to the fact that while there are stereotypes concerning incarcerated individuals, we have also placed stereotypes on unincorporated individuals as well.
Wanting the perspective of someone on the outside looking in, I asked my unit correctional officer. As a correctional officer for nearly 3 decades, he admitted that he had been raised to believe that incarcerated individuals, especially those convicted of violent crimes, were incapable of reform, more prone to reincarceration, and some undeserving of freedom. I was surprised to discover, while my assumptions were correct, it was those same individuals who changed his mindset and challenged the way he had been taught to view inmates such as myself.
I can no longer judge my fellow classmates for believing only what has been taught to them through the twisted lens of social media, television and one-sided stories. “Believe none of what you hear and half of what you see” is the best ideology concerning the stereotypes involving those of us who are incarcerated or formerly convicted of a felony. I can only show them through my actions that most incarcerated individuals are nothing like what we were taught to believe. I will no longer complain that no one will listen to us, when I refuse to advocate for myself and those doing time behind prison walls. Actions speak louder than words so I will not tell others what to believe. I can show them, along with like-minded individuals, that we are nothing like the monsters we were raised to believe that prison walls are protecting the world from.
To be completely honest, I am ashamed of my narrow-minded beliefs. Ashamed that I did exactly what I didn't want done to me. I judged someone before I ever knew their name. I didn't even give them a chance to get to know me, an over exuberant Black woman with a larger-than-life personality. I immediately assumed my classmates would only ever see my prison number, sentenced to serve 15 years to life. To make matters worse these assumptions were made within 20 minutes after walking into the classroom.
By the end of class, I had observed two things. My classmates were intelligent human beings with feelings and emotions more than capable of forming an opinion completely based on what they experienced that day. My second discovery was that I could learn a lot from my un-incarcerated classmates. For the rest of this semester, I will be sitting next to a student who chose to participate in the OPEEP program. I'll be sitting next to a student who wanted to take a Sociology class and were willing to take that class in a women's prison. This is the same course offered from the Ohio State University campus, only at a different location. When they look at us, they see a fellow classmate and today I learned to do the same thing.
